Tweet me back, Steve Nash
Dear person who broke my car window:
What the fuck, dude? Why the fuck would you break my car window and not even steal something? Don’t you want anything that is in my car? You just broke my car window for no fucking reason, just to be mean? Did you know it was my birthday???
Here are the things that are currently still in my car that you decided not to steal, and an explanation of their obvious value:
1. Kirkland Signature brand generic Zyrtec - alleviates allergy symptoms
2. Homemade beer coozy - keeps beer cold
3. Earrings - make ears look nice
4. Speaker - plays music
5. LFO CD - are you fucking kidding me? Summertime Girls is a CLASSIC SONG. How do you not want this CD?
6. Early Middle Ages History lecture series CDs - educates on the subject of Early Middle Ages
7. High Middle Ages History lecture series CDs - as above, but for High Middle Ages
8. Kleenex - keeps nose clean
At least I have a pretty good idea of who smashed my car window, based on what he or she did not steal. But who can help me solve this mystery? Bourne Laker, perhaps!
Yes, Steve Nash is parodying movie trailers this summer. Amazing.
@stevenash Looking for a person who has no allergies, ugly ears, warm beer; hates music/history, breaks car windows. Can Bourne Laker help?— slisl (@slisl) August 3, 2012
I forgot to add that they definitely do not have a runny nose.
Steve Nash: @stevenash