TWEET ME BACK, NBA

Tweet Me Back, Dwight Howard

Did you guys know that today is a great day???  I had cheese-melted-on-bread for breakfast! (This is a great breakfast. Actually, a great any meal).  I ditched the first half of work to eat said breakfast with a visiting college friend! I have two happy hours to attend (one has ice cream!) and my housewarming/birthday/roommate welcome party is tonight! Oh yeah, also Dwight Howard is a Laker now!

@dwighthoward Sup, Dwight.

— slisl (@slisl) August 10, 2012

SERIOUS BASKETBALL NOTE: I’m not even a little bit in the “everything is fixed now, let’s not even bother playing the season, Lakers win forever the end,” camp.  I still think it’s entirely possible/probable that Kobe goes 3 for 23 every game and shoots us out of a championship. That said, I’m the most pessimistic sports fan I know. 

Anyway, here’s what JaVale McGee thinks:

RT @javalemcgee34 PIERRE IS QUESTIONING THE NEW ERA OF SUPER TEAMS AND NOT CARING ABOUT SALARY CAPS!

— JaVale McGee (@JaValeMcGee34) August 10, 2012

In case you are wondering what is going on here, JaVale McGee spent the morning retweeting himself tweeting in the third person as his alter-ego Pierre McGee. Got that?

RT @javalemcgee34 PIERRE FEEL LIKE THE NUGS ARE SUPER STRAIGHT THIS YR! 😜🏀

— JaVale McGee (@JaValeMcGee34) August 10, 2012

GOOD FOR PIERRE.

Dwight Howard: @DwightHoward

Tweet Me Back, Joe Johnson

I have this theory about Joe Johnson that I would remember/care that he exists five times more effectively if he was named literally any other name.  Joe Johnson is really good at basketball, but I always fucking forget about him because his name is Joe Johnson! Ditto Josh Smith and therefore kind of the Hawks in general.

And I’m not saying that you need to be named after a cut of beef and a legume, or have a Y in the wrong place in your name to be a memorable shooting guard, but c’mon, Joe Johnson? You can do better than that. I’m not asking for much. How about Joe Walker or  Jeremy Johnson? You can even keep the alliteration with the second one.  And you, Josh Smith: have you considered using a middle initial? It worked for J.R.

Anyway, it appears the reign of bland is over in ATL, with Joe Johnson leaving to make the Nets just a little more forgettable, leaving Josh to hold down a slightly-less-boring-now fort.

Are you interested in what I think, Joe Johnson? Of course you are.

@joejohnson Why you gotta break up the All-NBA boring name dream team?

— slisl (@slisl) July 3, 2012

Just a note: if you do want to go with a beef-legume name do-over, may I suggest Angus Lentil Johnson?

Update: Turns out I didn’t actually tweet Joe Johnson, because Joe Johnson’s confirmed twitter handle is @TheJoeJohnson2. Whoopsy.

Joe Johnson: @TheJoeJohnson2